Just Thinking....

A dangerous past time, I know. As you know I sent my youngest off to kindergarten and my oldest off to high school this year. So, I've been trying to decide what exactly I think about that. In some ways it makes me sad--to see them growing so much. Which was harder for me? Upon reflection (see I actually have time to reflect without interruption now), I have to admit that it was harder to send Jacob off to high school than it was to send Nathan off to kindergarten. You see, kindergarten is a safe place. You've got a nurturing teacher. The kids are all eager to make new friends and they are all pretty accepting of one another. It's OK to cry as you say good-bye to mom, they all understand (mine just waved me-off, school is much better than hanging out with mom!). The toughest choices they have to make are what color they should use when they color in that "A" or maybe how they are going to share the swings at recess. Safe, yep Nathan is still fairly safe. High school--well, that's a different story. That's sending your child out into the real world. Real choices, real problems, and, luckily, even some real fun. The teachers can be tough and the kids at the school even tougher. It's just scary. Choices they make in high school can/will have lasting consequences. Therefore, my conclusion is that it was harder to send Jacob to high school than it was to send Nathan to kindergarten.
LINENS- I've decided that I really like the smell of my linen closet. (Random, I know, but deal with it!) Somehow the linen closet keeps that "living in a cottage" smell. It reminds me of my grandparents. And somehow, no matter where we've lived it has the same smell. Also, it always smells like that. Even when the rest of the house gets stinky. (Sadly, yes, my house gets stinky--a cat, a gerbil, a fish, 3 boys who have the darnedest time remembering to flush the toilet and who sweat..oh and a husband (and boys) who has (have) stinky running/hiking gear..oh yes sadly, our house can get stinky.) So, if you ever see me sneaking to the linen closet, I'm just trying to get that breath of fresh air (or the stale century old smell that I really like).
PEACE-When the kids were preschoolers and we lived in Texas most of the families we hung out with had older school-age children. Jacob-my youngest matched up with their youngest type scenarios. It use to amaze me that as soon as school started back up in the fall everyone would disappear back into the woodwork. Where did they all go? How did they suddenly become too busy just to hang out and play with the kids? Over the last few years, I have become one of those who disappears into the woodwork and now I finally understand why. It's amazing how busy school can make you. There are classes to be helping in, PTA's that need working in, errands that need to be ran, and still all the chores to be done and everything has to be done between the hours of 8:30 and 2:30 (unless you are in your kindergarten year when everything has to be done in just two to two and a half hours). It can all start to feel like madness. So, trying to balance all that madness becomes one of our main objectives. It can be quite tricky. I am trying to create some "peace" time for me this year. It's the year I can do it. After all I have about two and a half hours of "free" time everyday during the week, so it's just a matter of just scheduling it out......OK I know, I know..SCHEDULE in peace? Yep, I've decided that's the only way it will really happen. So, what will I do with that peace time? Well this. Write really annoyingly long blogs, read scriptures, read books, read my friends blogs, sit in my quiet house doing absolutely nothing (sounds dreamy doesn't it?). What I will not do during this time is chores, errands, answer the phone, etc. I'm looking forward to having a bit of rejuvenating time this year. I've earned it.
LISTENING- For book club this month we are reading The Six Wives of Henry VIII. We had all summer to read it, but I never got around to it. So, last week I borrowed tapes of the book from my sister-in-law..she had gotten them from the library. I thought this would be a faster way for me to finish seems as though we meet next week. I put the first cassette in my car and the rest of them in a baggie. I finished listening to the first tape Saturday. When I went to get the next tape I could not find the bag with the rest of the tapes in it. I looked in all the usual spots, no luck. We've been busy, so I didn't really put a lot of effort into finding them. Earlier in the week I said a half hearted prayer or two that I would be able to find them, but I didn't really put a lot of effort into looking. I had a big to-do list...shopping, PTSA, cleaning out that darn entry closet, the continual dishes, laundry, etc, etc. Finally this morning I knew I really needed to give my prayer and looking for those tapes a better effort. I was going to have to soon fess up to Esther that I had lost them. And, if I didn't find them soon I wasn't going to get much past the first chapter before book club. So, I got Nathan involved with an activity, and found some quiet space and time for me, said a prayer (yes, about stupid tapes) and really tried to listen. Well, I got nothing. Nothing except for that nagging.."you've got to get that entry closet taken care of, it's getting quite out of control..." thought. And guess what..ya you know. Within minutes of starting to clean out he closet I found the missing tapes. In our Sunday bag--the bag of stuff we take to church each week to help entertain the kids. How or why they got in there I have no idea. But there they were. I realized that Heavenly Father was trying to answer my half hearted prayers all week. I was just never listening. I was wondering why everyday I would think that I just had to clean that closet out. Then the rationalizing would start...it's waited all summer ..It can wait until after I finish this or this... OK so lesson learned. Heavenly Father loves me and will answer my prayers even when I am not listening and even when it's for something as silly as missing audio cassettes. What a wonderful blessing. I knew this already, but I am thankful for the reminder I got today. And the reminder to take the time and really listen. Things in my life are not perfect. There are many things that I wish weren't there, but knowing Heavenly Father is on my side helps. Matt's brother Neal is still missing...it's been over two months. We miss him a lot. When I really listen, a voice whispers that he is still here, he's lost and still seeking, be patient, he will come back again. Heavenly Father is aware. He's aware of all of us. He knows and listens. And it's just up to us to continually ask "Are we listening?"

So, with my "peace" time I will listen, but now it's over and the beautiful chaos of my life will soon be here again. Wish me luck!